Timing, Happiness, & Your 20's

One of my all-time favorite quotes/mantras is “The dots rarely connect forward - only backward.”

latley I’ve been thinking a lot about trusting the timing of your life and the gratitude that comes when you pause long enough to reflect on it.

I do believe that sometimes life works out in ways that feel almost too strange to be coincidence. At the same time, I think we do more behind the scenes than we realize. We slowly open doors, set ideas into motion, change ourselves in small ways, and make decisions that don’t seem significant in the moment. Maybe it’s not necessarily manifesting everything, but I do believe that our outlook and the habits we create every day matter more than we realize.

The biggest example of trusting the timing of my life is my current job and the journey that brought me there.

After taking an antidepressant when i was 19, I developed Steven’s-Johnson Syndrome, a rare but extremely serious reaction to medication where the immune system begins attacking itself. Once the reaction starts, there’s unfortunatley no treatment to stop it. The body has to run its course and slowly heal with an unpredictable timeline. For me, it subsided at a stage that left severe hyperpigmentation across over 85% of my skin.

At first, I was angry! How could something I was taking to help me feel better do this to me? Why isn’t there more research being done on SJS? How am I going to rebuild my sense of self and confidence?

Something as simple as going to the grocery store with shorts or a t-shirt on in the summer time became a huge hurdle. I said no to plans with friends. I spent weeks upon weeks in therapy discussing all of my emotions and fears.

My healing was not at all linear and required patience and consistency, but mostly letting go of control and my concept of beauty.

Somewhere along the way, after a couple years of truly hiding myself, the process stopped being about my skin entirely.

As my spots and scars started to fade, I became more aware of how to manage mental health struggles without being medicated, began focusing on physical health, and started doing more of what shaped how I felt every day.

I also had to relearn how to find little joys. I keep a list on my phone titled “little things that I love” and jot them down whenever I remember to. Most are random and silly. Some of my favorites from this month:

• When strangers smile at you

• Smoothies with the perfect consistency

• A friend saying “im proud of you”

• First bite of a cinnamon roll or blueberry muffin

• Hearing birds chirping in the morning

• Watching someone pick out which flowers to buy

Building this list has grounded me when everything feels heavy. Happiness & Mental health is something that I have to practice daily, or else I do struggle. It’s like working out a muscle. Some days the workout genuinely sucks, and others it just feels easy. But it’s a consious effort that I make because I know that someday I am not going to only want to be happy for myself, but also for my friends, my life partner, my family.

My skin journey sparked a real interest in skin care and skin health. I started learning about ingredients, trying many different products for hyperpigmentation. Today I work for a brand whose products have helped me regain confidence, created with all natural ingredients and made by founders I genuinely admire. I also get to share bits of my personal story with new hires and collegues.

There is something incredibly full-circle about that.

When you’re in your 20’s I feel like there’s this quiet pressure to build momentum and become the person you’re supposed to be in a very short amount of time. When something interrupts that rhythm, it can feel like the momentum is ripped out from under you.

At the time, going through SJS felt exactly like that. While my friends were doing study abroad, enjoying the rest of their college experience, and contuning to build their social circles I was trying to feel comfortable leaving my house all while finishing my degree online as quickly as possible and jumping into work as early as possible. For a while, it felt like a chapter I didn't ask for and didn’t want.

But the thing about time is that perspective always catches up to it. I love the woman I am today because of the girl that went through SJS. I’m much more intentional about what makes me feel good (moving my body, meaningful friendships, & little joys that used to go unnoticed). The experience taught me that certain parts of life don't always make sense until years later when the dots begin to connect.